Fighting Talk: Crazy

"The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are usually the ones who do" 

Walter Issacson about Steve Jobs 

You'll probably never be short of people queuing up to tell you that you can't change the world. But all it takes is one dream, idea or opportunity; and a persons crazy enough to pursue it, to change the face of the world forever. 

Fighting Talk: Hardship

“Hardship often prepares an ordinary person for an extraordinary destiny.”

― C.S. Lewis

When you're in a fight, you have to expect that you're going to take some punches. They're going to hurt, and they might just knock you on your backside. The blows you take will make you strong.

I don't think that it's a coincidence that people who achieve incredible things, have often gone through hardship which prepared them. Just look at some of the great men and women of history. Abraham Lincoln, Rosa Parks, Albert Einstein, Freda Carlo and Henry Ford all either failed, or suffered great hardships, before their destiny was realised. 

When I go through hardship, I try to remind myself of this quote. Frankly, It's not easy. Eventually I start to believe it. When I believe it, I get excited. I'm excited to see where all this hardships will lead. The greater my hardships, the greater my destiny will be.

Making Diamonds

As I promised when I first started this blog, I want to write about my process. There is no value in talking about my aims, and my end point, without talking about how I got there. Last week I wrote about the dangers of comparing yourself to other people. Rather predictably, within a week, I've fallen into the same old trap.

Before I divulge all, let me tell you a little bit about myself. 

For the last three years I have been a carer for my wife who has a chronic illness. She relies on me everyday, all day, for even the most basic of daily tasks. It's a full time, unpaid and draining job. Obviously, this has a massive impact on our lives.

It can be incredibly frustrating to have your life dictated by something which is wholly out of our control. We can work as hard, or be as prepared, as possible but have the carpet ripped out from underneath us at any point.

I often look, as i have done this week, at other people my age and find myself being jealous. I'm jealous that they don't have the same restrictions or responsibilities as I do. It's easy to look upon someone else's life and assume that they have it 'better' than you.

At times I can even become quite desperate. Begging God to take the sickness away from our lives, and being angry when things just get worse.

No good ever comes from making these comparisons. By doing so, I'm ignoring the great parts of my life, and painting an idealised picture of others'. I love my wife. she is so worth everything we go through together. Frankly, by being bitter and wishing my life situation away, I'm missing an opportunity. The struggles I face, build who I am. They change how I think.

Life may be hard for me now, but later I will look back and be thankful.  Like a diamond, all the pressure and heat put on me now will make me stronger.

Vision on our Wedding Day

Until then I will continue to remind myself to focus of the truly remarkable parts of my life, my relationship with my wife included.  To recognise that people would kill to get what I have, and realise that even my hardships would, one day. give me diamonds.

Fighting talk: Fighting To Get Back Up

"It's not whether you get knocked down that counts, it's whether you get up"

Over the past few months, I've taken a few hits and I've been knocked down. My depression has been at its worst. I've gone from sickness to sickness and have felt physically broken. I've even had to take the decision to re-sit my final year of university. I effectively buckled under the pressure of being a full time student, a carer and working a part-time job.

Despite everything, I'm fighting to get back up.

I know that it doesn't matter how many times I get knocked down in life. What matters is that I will always choose to get back up and contend to stay on my feet.

A few weeks ago a wise friend reminded me that just because you might be struggling in life, it doesn't mean that you're failing. If you're struggling, then you're still fighting. If you're fighting, then you haven't lost yet.

New feature: Fighting Talk

This is the first post in what will be a weekly reoccurring source of encouragement and inspiration for my readers. I've always found words to be incredibly powerful. Words have the power to destroy, or to build up, a person. When I need to be inspired, I look for quotes, or bible verses, and use them to build me up and protect me. I use them like a shield to block any negativity which comes my way. 

From now on, at the beginning of each week, I'm going to post on here some words to inspire and encourage so that you can shield yourselves against inner and outer critics, and begin your week with momentum.

This week's post

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the Pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll.

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.

By William Henley

This poem by William Henley has become very well known. Famously, Nelson Mandela recited it to himself in prison when he needed to find strength. By posting this, I'm not being very original. I expect many of you have heard it before. If you haven't then I'm delighted to be the one to share it with you. I wonder, however, how many of you know the story behind the poem?

William Henley wrote this after losing his legs to tuberculosis. "Black as the pit from pole to pole" refers directly to his amputated leg and artificial replacement. In addition to this, Henley, by this point, had lost his entire family to the illness.

For me, knowing that this is the background to the poem gives his words additional power. If he can speak of an unconquerable soul after enduring such hardship, then so can I, no matter what the world can throw at me. This poem inspires me to keep on fighting, no matter what blows I take or hardships that fall on me. He inspires me to overcome depression, illness and the pressures of being a carer. Despite these obstacles  I will continue to fight to achieve great things. My head will be bloody but unbowed.

Your moments of brilliance

"We all have our moments of brilliance and glory and this was mine." Roald Dahl

Roald Dahl writes this when recalling a childhood incident in his book, Boy: Tales of Childhood. He is absolutely right, of course. Everybody has moments when their genius shines through. You probably won't believe me (or Dahl). Maybe you think that it's true of other people, and not you. I've certainly found it hard to believe in the past, however, I'm teaching myself to recognise my qualities.

One of my favourite moments of brilliance was on a rugby pitch. I was never a great player, but I had my moments. This moment was in a practice game, on a water logged pitch in front of a handful of spectators. I found myself in a bit of space with four men in front of me. Without thinking (I assure you that had I been thinking I wouldn't have attempted such an audacious move) and with my left hand I threw the ball behind my back, to the right. I was then promptly pummelled by a wall of defenders.

A illustration for Roald Dahl by Quentin Blake

When I raised my head to survey the damage, I was amazed to see that my miracle pass had found a team mate's hands. It seemed that everybody else was as shocked as me since that player ran a fair distance before  being tackled. One of my coaches stood there in a stunned silence, the other was frantically shouting my name. They were obviously as surprised as I was.

I went on to tell all that would listen, and added to my story how intentional the move had been. I knew what I was doing all along.

I attempted to repeat the move on many occasions.  Never once was it successful again. In fact, it was always disastrous. I could always hold on, however, to the memory of the one time it went right.

This is an example of a moment of glory which I would include in my Achievements Book. It's a small, silly and insignificant event, however, these are the moments which I want to learn to savour. If I don't learn how to recognise the small times of brilliance and achievement, I will never be able to replicate it to do something truly great. I know that many of you reading will have similar memories you can call back on. Or indeed, will live many moments of greater brilliance.

I want to hear about your moments of brilliance. Please use the comments box below to tell us all about those small moments when you've been absolutely amazing. 

Recognising Achievements

Recognising your own achievements is an important step in achieving a healthy state of mind and recognising the direction your life is going. In the past, I have been guilty of forgetting what I've achieved. This has had a serious impact on my mental health. This is why achievements are the first topic of conversation for this blog.   If I fail to recognise what I achieve on a daily basis, I will never be able to sustain a life where I am both happy and consistently growing.

What constitutes an achievement though? Maybe it's getting a raise in work, finishing a qualification, or running that marathon. All of these things are great and should be celebrated, but what about the small achievements? Learning to cook a new dish, or making a small lifestyle change for the better, do you celebrate these smaller achievements? I certainly didn't used to. I would only consider the big things an achievement. The problem is that the big things don't come around very often. I was left in a place where I only considered myself to have achieved something once, maybe twice, a year.

You need to recognise the small achievements, in the same way as you need to learn to appreciate small pleasures that make you happy. It's not always easy to do. I had to literally force myself to do it, until it became more natural.  

The next step was to make sure I didn't forget about my achievements. Once I was asked what I had achieved in the last 3 months. I sat there, thought about it, and came up with nothing. It wasn't because I hadn't achieved anything in that time, far from it in fact. I simply couldn't remember what I'd done. The same problem manifests when I am struggling with mental health issues. When that nasty voice in my mind told me that I was useless, I agreed with it because I wasn't able to call on examples where I had achieved something.

Thankfully, I found a way to help me value my small achievements and remember them indefinitely. I started to write an achievements book. This book is now full things, from university grades to remembering to put the rubbish out on the right day, and it is always being added to. A lot of the achievements in it might sound ridiculous to somebody else but they were achievements for me at that time of my life. That is what's important.

I'd encourage you to make a book for yourself, they are a fantastic tool to refer back to whenever you feel like you need reminding of how great you are. They are also a good exercise in forcing yourself to appreciate the small, daily, achievements that you have.