Balancing Your Future With Your Present

Last week I wrote a blog post about the importance of having vision for your life. I got a really good response from readers, which was great. A few people commented on the post, suggesting that while vision for your future is important, it's a greater priority to be at peace with your life and enjoy the 'moment'. This is a sentiment that I fully support. If you can't enjoy where you are in the moment then you're on a one way road to ruin.

Vision for the future and a recognition of what you have now are complimentary, there should be a balance between the two. A balance where you strive to meet your ambitions whilst enjoying your life in the moment. Without vision, your life can become stale, and without an appreciation of the moment, your life becomes hollow.

I mentioned before that I am a carer for my wife, who has a chronic illness. When illness impacts your life, like it does ours, it can become easy to put your life on hold. For the longest time, we did this exact thing. We, in effect, were stuck in a place where we were waiting for our lives to begin.

There's an element of wisdom in this. You have to be realistic about what you can do when sickness has such a massive impact on you. You get to a point, however, when you realise that you can't sit back and wait, for years, for your situation to improve, when it might never change. We learnt that we can't just look to the future, we had to enjoy where we were at present.

We work hard to strike the balance between having vision for the future and enjoying the present. To maintain this balance, even the simplest things can make all the difference. Me and my wife have a vision board in our house and then make sure that at least once a week we have a 'date day' where we focus on each other in that moment.

What do you do to make sure you strike that critical balance between having a vision for the future, and making the most of every single moment?

Fighting talk: Fighting To Get Back Up

"It's not whether you get knocked down that counts, it's whether you get up"

Over the past few months, I've taken a few hits and I've been knocked down. My depression has been at its worst. I've gone from sickness to sickness and have felt physically broken. I've even had to take the decision to re-sit my final year of university. I effectively buckled under the pressure of being a full time student, a carer and working a part-time job.

Despite everything, I'm fighting to get back up.

I know that it doesn't matter how many times I get knocked down in life. What matters is that I will always choose to get back up and contend to stay on my feet.

A few weeks ago a wise friend reminded me that just because you might be struggling in life, it doesn't mean that you're failing. If you're struggling, then you're still fighting. If you're fighting, then you haven't lost yet.

I'll have what they're having

If there's one mistake that I have made over, and over, again, it's to persistently compare myself to other people. It's a poisonous habit. Comparing yourself to another person is like judging a book by its cover. You can only see what's on the outside. The real detail of the ink stained pages that make up someones life are hidden from your view.

There's nothing wrong with being inspired by other people, or wanting to emulate a quality, but you have to remember that everyone is unique. Other people are different, not better and we can rarely truly judge what another person's life is like.

I often find myself taking the best attributes of all the people around me and comparing them to myself, wondering why I don't share every single one. Obviously, this is a ridiculous standard to strive for.

I am going to stop repeating this habit, before it causes me any more harm. To do this I am going to force myself to think about what I do have, instead of what someone else has. Whenever I find myself comparing myself to another person, I will stop and list five things which I have. These could be talents, objects, people, or whatever else I value.

My list
1. I have a beautiful wife.
2. I am intelligent and have ideas.
3. I have friends and family willing to support me in times of hardship.
4. I have faith in an amazing God.
5. I am audacious in all aspects of my life.

That list was surprisingly difficult for me to make, not because I have too many great things to add to it, which in reality, I do. It was difficult because my mind isn't used to thinking in such terms. I'm not used to thinking about what I do have, I'm used to searching for what I don't have.

If you can relate to my experiences, then I recommend you to try to follow the same method as I am, I'd love to see your list. Let me know if you have any thoughts on my idea.

Writing your own list in the comments section of this post might be a useful exercise to get you started. It was for me. It's easier to recall something than it is to create something.

Recognising Achievements

Recognising your own achievements is an important step in achieving a healthy state of mind and recognising the direction your life is going. In the past, I have been guilty of forgetting what I've achieved. This has had a serious impact on my mental health. This is why achievements are the first topic of conversation for this blog.   If I fail to recognise what I achieve on a daily basis, I will never be able to sustain a life where I am both happy and consistently growing.

What constitutes an achievement though? Maybe it's getting a raise in work, finishing a qualification, or running that marathon. All of these things are great and should be celebrated, but what about the small achievements? Learning to cook a new dish, or making a small lifestyle change for the better, do you celebrate these smaller achievements? I certainly didn't used to. I would only consider the big things an achievement. The problem is that the big things don't come around very often. I was left in a place where I only considered myself to have achieved something once, maybe twice, a year.

You need to recognise the small achievements, in the same way as you need to learn to appreciate small pleasures that make you happy. It's not always easy to do. I had to literally force myself to do it, until it became more natural.  

The next step was to make sure I didn't forget about my achievements. Once I was asked what I had achieved in the last 3 months. I sat there, thought about it, and came up with nothing. It wasn't because I hadn't achieved anything in that time, far from it in fact. I simply couldn't remember what I'd done. The same problem manifests when I am struggling with mental health issues. When that nasty voice in my mind told me that I was useless, I agreed with it because I wasn't able to call on examples where I had achieved something.

Thankfully, I found a way to help me value my small achievements and remember them indefinitely. I started to write an achievements book. This book is now full things, from university grades to remembering to put the rubbish out on the right day, and it is always being added to. A lot of the achievements in it might sound ridiculous to somebody else but they were achievements for me at that time of my life. That is what's important.

I'd encourage you to make a book for yourself, they are a fantastic tool to refer back to whenever you feel like you need reminding of how great you are. They are also a good exercise in forcing yourself to appreciate the small, daily, achievements that you have.